The first step...

So here it is, my first blog post. I'm really not sure how to ease into this so I'm just going to dive right in.
Over this past year I have gained 30lbs. Being 5'2", I blew up like a balloon. The worst part is that I'm not healthy, or physically strong and my self esteem is in the toilet. I'm super ashamed at how I have gotten this way in such a short time, so for now, I'm just sharing this blog with those I know love me for who I am and will support my journey. Hopefully, I will eventually be brave enough to share this with all the World on the internet.
I started getting back into exercise and better eating habits about a month ago. As of today I weigh 165. I figure I'll weigh myself about once a week and I'm going to try to blog daily to follow my eating and exercising everyday. Hopefully, this will keep me on more of schedule knowing that all of you could be reading this or looking for it everyday. 
Now, a little about me; although, most of you here for now may already know this I just think I want to put it all out there incase I eventually do make this public. 
I pretty much eat healthy food. No fast food, no processed foods that I can make fresh. So I think I narrowed my biggest weigh-gain issue down. I don't eat enough, so when I DO eat my body stores everything because it thinks it's starving. I truly believe that's how the 30lbs came on so suddenly. I was very depressed and just didn't eat....couldn't eat and so when I finally did put something in my mouth is was the 'comfort foods' that I clung to. My comfort foods are cheese, chocolate (REALLY good chocolate...I'm a bit of a chocolate snob) and wine with a side of bread. Yes, I buy locally grown organic wheat berries, mill it myself and bake it fresh with all the nutrients, but again, if that's ALL I'm eating, my body will (and did) hang on to it.
So, now I am eating more leafy greens and lots of veggies and fruits. My proteins are mainly beans, fish and very rarely white and red meats. Don't get me wrong, I'm really NOT a vegetarian, but if I'm going to get healthy I have to get more vitamins and minerals into my diet than I was before. 
Also, I have started juicing. One of my very best friends gave me a juicer for my birthday (<3 you Mo!) and although I'm not doing a cleansing juice regimen, I HAVE been getting more veggies and fruits into my daily diet than I did before. I still have to get the hang of juicing veggies to the point where I'm not choking it down. It's a learning curve, but I'm confident that I WILL get the hang of it and master the art of drinking veggies without holding my nose. :) 
Now onto the exercise topic...agh. Ok, when I was in my 20s I was an aerobics instructor, step class instructor, weight trainer and aerobics choreographer. Suffice it to say, I KNOW how to exercise, but I think that it's a double-edged sword for me now. I am SO disappointed in myself for not keeping up with it and so now when I do exercise I am mentally fighting this disappointment because of how weak and non-flexible I am now...never mind the amount of weight I'm lugging around. :/ Thus, another reason for this blog. If I know I have to tell you when/if/and how I exercised to day, I will have the mental capacity to push my own disappointment aside so that I don't disappoint you. I know, maybe that's not the healthiest way to go about it, but it will have to work for now. 
Well, if you have gotten through all this, thank you! And I will see you tonight. ;) 
~N